Well  uts been a whike simply been dealing with stuff going hospital and things  almost all the time in pain is getting me down a lot  i  am in pain all day everyday but today  i have slept  till 2pm Master simply left me  there was on PC when i came down i thought it was about 10am but no afternoon..

had and exhausting week so far  not that brilliant  so only been online to do mails in evening  for a hour Master has been excellent  he has been taking care of me and  making sure i dont miss appointments i have loads to go to right now ..

its only when you are sitting on that ward that you see others worse off than you who ar enot doing so well that life and death become a reality.. but minday i became a nana i watched a section being done on my daughter  it was  not as scarey  as i had imagined  hving never been inside a theatre except on my operations  but then i was asleep .. we have a lovely baby boy 6lbs 10oz.

and then as i was in pain i asked the doctor for water so i could take my neds whilst they were sewing her up,  he asked me  what i needed them for when i told him he said i should have said something  i dont do that i simply try to cope each and everyday with what i can do that is normal life  and to me this was impirtant pasrt of normal ife  going onwards  regardless  of anything  else  but i can say i was drained by the end of the day  very much  but at least i was there for my child when she needed me  most  even if it was so hard to do  ..

i  have some lovely real life and online  friends who do offer me support  and love  and i have come to see some who are  a lot worse off than myself right now  but it has shocked me how happy and how  selfless some of these are

i know i often feel so down but i try to be strong for others   i will get there i am not a quiter never have been  i have faced worse  i think  and come out into the light  before in 1983 i was in a coma  for three months  and i came out of that without ill effect  so i can do this as well

Master is the one who suffres for this not me  really he hoilds me and i see pain in his eyes and feel his  sorrow and can read his fears  but he is there  for me and that is special  saw my X and thought my i used to kiss him   i was shocked decided i was blind , deaf and daft then

best stop now am tired  and Master is here now ...

been away been very ill in hospital had surgery need more  had this lump and they dont know it keeps coming back cannot eat real food right now  have to avoid chewing or jaw will snap..

very depressed lost job  been off too long they had to replace me but postive side is  i am designing another website but a business one ...

not yet done  it will market clothing  for over sized subs..

secret goods ...but very nice to wear indeed had some interest from america but need more investment   right now ...

got help designing site  dont know enough mysql to do own database  but am .learning as fast as i can..

had a strange letter got an interview thursday for a job i did not apply for 

 of course i am going they are buying lunch why not  !! one never knows  where it may lead ..

for the past three weeks i have been quite ill and unable to come online i have now had the time to come in an update my journal which has been sadly neglected whilst ill infact i have done a lot of sleeping Master has been as solid as a rock for me he has held me up put me to bed cleaned, cooked and supported me for which i am most grateful now i know he is truely devoted to his slavegirl and will do almost anything to make sure i am ok, tommorow i have surgery to fix me up so today is rest day and prepare fopr tommorrow their is one thing i am actually dreading doing  i need to remove my piercings and replace them with this canelia type thing plastic tube and micropore so after my bath today this  is the plan then the no make up thing  i can deal with but the no nail varnish my toes have always been painted  ever since i was 14 years old they look strange to me without any polish on

but the doctors say not even plain polish they need to see the colour of my nails during surgery..i must admit to feeling somewhat nervous i dont really like hospitals very much.

had a brill weekend away with Master on a place with 101 acres of land to roam on, W/we had a annexe that was private so could do anything, met the Lord of the manor he was nice, W/we are going back this weekend  Master gets to shoot , and  do archery   so two passions covered and the third one is me of course and yes he did get to tye me to a tree and whip me ..

all in all it was a brilliant weekend  even went to watch cnichts jousting that was ace

well i worked all day came home an hour early did all my jobs then mis-timed dinner  and Masters meal was 39 minutes late well he was not best pleased plus i was doing a time management course.

so Master was miffed with me  well he decided on correction based around the use of pegs and crop to get them off.

apart from this i had a good day and had some rope bondage as well  nice one i love that..